7 Steps to Loving Others Through a Tough Political Season
My reaction to the Dobbs decision and what I'm doing about it
Oh friends, what a weary few days it has been. Ever since we saw the leaked SCOTUS opinion on the Dobbs case, I knew, no matter my personal feelings on the issue, that the court’s ruling would cause yet more divisiveness in our nation.
Yet, I still seemed to have a certain naïveté, because my heart has been broken every day since last Friday when the decision was officially released. Social media is an absolute battleground—even worse than usual—and I haven’t ventured to turn on the TV. No matter which side you are on, it’s rough waters out there.
I’ve even have had an unusually emotional response to my own friends and family’s opinions. As much as I preach here about civility and how to treat others, it seems that this issue might be the breaking point for me personally. And I really don’t want that to be the case.
A while back, I gave you the diagram (pictured below) to understand when you should engage in a political discussion, but today I want to expand on that. I want to give you the 7 steps I am walking through to continue to love others through this political climate.
Seven Steps to Loving Others Amidst a Tough Political Season
Feel your feelings. I’ve been taking lots of time this week to sit with my feelings and understand how they relate to my personal values. Under the direction of a wise therapist, I’ve been mapping my values. This exercise has done wonders for me, helping me understand why I feel strongly about some things and not others. An encouraging thing to remember after this exercise is that each person has their own set of values, and it’s completely unique to them. You don’t need to have a therapist to work through your values (although therapy might be my not-so-secret eighth step here). Brene Brown did a wonderful podcast episode about it and I’ve listened to it three times.
Picture someone you respect on the other side of the issue. I can think of many people in my life that feel differently on this one issue. I’m picturing one of them in my mind right now, and it’s someone that I genuinely reason with and enjoy. She has similar feelings and judgment on other issues, we just happen to disagree on this one. I trust her immensely. Therefore, it stands to reason that she has a really good basis to believe the way she does. Since I have so much love, compassion, and respect for this person, it’s easier for me to extend that feeling to others.
Remember that it’s complicated being a human and extend grace upon grace. Wow, humans are fickle creatures. Can you think of a time that you changed your mind on a major issue? For my entire life, I have disliked ‘90s grunge band Nirvana. (Pause for your shock). I know!!! I understood their groundbreaking contribution to music, but I just couldn’t stand to listen. Strangely, when I was pregnant with my third child, I just instantly started to love Nirvana. It’s all I wanted to listen to. I finally got it, some 25 years after their first album. People change their minds, oftentimes for no reason at all. I’m reminding myself to extend grace now, for myself and others.
This concept also reminds me of a moment with Dr. Maya Angelou:
“The brute, the bigot, and the batterer are all children of God—whether they know it or not. And I’m supposed to treat them accordingly. It’s hard, and I blow it all the time!”
She then quotes the ancient Roman African playwright Terance:
"Homo sum, humani nihil a me alienum puto", or "I am human, nothing human is alien to me."
I am human, nothing human is alien to me.
It’s my favorite quote of all time.
4. Try a loving-kindness meditation. A few years ago, I downloaded the Calm app and found that their loving-kindness meditations were soothing to me. As someone new to meditation, I thought “loving-kindness” was just a cutesy name they had made up. However, I recently learned through Susan Cain’s book Bittersweet that this is an ancient Buddhist practice called metta. I’ll simplify the practice here: repeat these four phrases, first to yourself, then to an “ever-widening circle of people: loved ones, acquaintances, the difficult people in your life, and then finally to all beings:
May I be free from danger.
May I be free from mental suffering.
May I be free from physical suffering.
May I have ease of well-being.”1
5. Experience art and/or nature. This is perhaps my favorite way to get out of my own head. Painting, music, theater, writing, whatever medium you choose… the beauty of art & nature (God’s art) helps me interpret my own emotions and also allows me to remember there is a world of things out there that are open to individual interpretation. Art also gives me such hope that beauty can be found in the most excruciating pain. You can make your own art if you’d like, but you don’t have to. Famous artist Mark Rothko said, “The people who weep before my pictures are having the same religious experience I had when painted them.”2
6. Give them time. This one is simple, but a great tool. I try to give myself as much or as little time as I need. And I don’t need to explain to anyone else why I might need more time.
7. Do they have a favorite ice cream flavor? Okay, this one is a little silly and is usually my last-ditch effort when trying to love someone and I really can’t find a reason. I believe I heard this first from Kristen Bell on her husband Dax Shepard’s podcast Armchair Expert (one of my favorite podcasts on how to be a human, by the way). Anyway, Kristen was talking about trying to find the humanity in a politician she really disagreed with, and she thought to herself, “well, I wonder what their favorite ice cream flavor is?” Most people have one! Maybe we can unite in our love for cookies & cream, or our hatred of mint chocolate chip. But, at the very least, it’s very humanizing to realize that largest, most villainous person (in your mind) has something we all have… a favorite ice cream. I guess it’s a different version of the old cliche, “we all put our pants on one leg at a time.” But more fun because…. well, because of ice cream!
Speaking of ice cream, I think we all deserve some with all of this hard work we are doing. If you are struggling this week, know that you are not alone. Do you have a coping strategy that you use? I’d love to hear from you. Reply to this email and let me know your thoughts.
Until next time,
Sarah
p.s. This song by one of my favorite music couples really helps, too.
Cain, Bittersweet, 103-107
Cain, Bittersweet, 64